And it's true. I wake up at 5:30 just so I can get that quiet time with my glorious cup of coffee. Some say it's weird or I'm crazy but I say it's preparation.
So that post got me to thinking. There are so many things that people "should" be warned or made of aware of before embarking on the journey of having kids. The real important changes that take hold of your life, your body, your thoughts, journey... basically everything.
So here are my top 10. I realized I could go on and on and on about this so I limited myself. And to be honest, Steve and I thought of some really good ones on a long road trip but my brain lost it with all the madness which takes me to my first one.
# 1. No brain. People warn you of the pregnancy brain. Yes... I lost it then too but I lost it even more after the babies came. Especially on #2. I have piles of post its and to-do lists. I have a to-do list for what I need to do at night before go to bed. Yes that list includes making coffee. And I realize my brain may never come back. It's on a permanent vacation.
# 2. Sexy to you becomes yoga pants. The sexies and scandies you get at your bachelorette party get moved to the back of the closet, better yet just throw them out. Instead you get to enjoy all the unflattering and ugly nursing and pregnancy stuff out. So I beg you retail people... will someone please start making nursing tanks and bras somewhat attractive. I got excited when I saw one had lace on it! That was sad.
# 3. You say you never will but you will. You will talk in high pitched voices and you will talk about poop. It's inevitable. I'm sorry.
# 4. You will some day walk out of the house and find poop under your finger nail. The sad part is... it really won't bother you. And you'll forget to even wash your hands. You'll forget until you are out to eat and just shoved a french fry in your mouth and licked off the salt.
# 5. You will never pee alone. You start out paranoid and bring your infant to the bathroom with you. Then they become mobile so you have no choice but to bring them otherwise your house becomes a disaster even if you are in there for only a minute. Then you are teaching them so you have to bring them in there to watch and learn... then they get a little older and can't live without you. Or they can until they realize you went missing to the bathroom and then they stand and knock on the door... "mom... mommy... mom... MOM... MOMMY!!!"
# 6. Lop sided biceps. You'll feel really cool and buff on one arm. It's my right arm. Shirts even get tight around that one bicep. Then you look at the other... the other with the chicken flap. So you switch to always holding your baby on that arm but you realize you are way to uncoordinated and your arm is going to die so you switch back and just keep adding to the lop-sidedness. My philosophy - turn sideways on pics with the strong arm facing the camera... then slightly flex.
# 7. You can't eat. It's like kids, especially babies, have a 6th sense. It's like they know you are finally taking time to make a good meal during the day and not just eating a PB&J or a granola bar. They watch you get all the ingredients out. They watch your mouth start to water. They watch you put it all together, they even admire the meal but as soon as you start to clean up and get ready to take a bite... they decide to cry and fuss. All the while on the inside you know they are laughing..." Ha-ha mom! No food for you"
# 8. No daily showers. You are lucky if you get a shower every other day. I will say this was a two kid thing for me. One child... just take them in with you. Two... no can do. They have secret plans that on days you want to shower they work out opposite schedules. Or you think you can take a shower so you hop in only to hear the baby crying right as you put the shampoo in.
# 9. You get excited for new Disney movies. Your regular movie night of Blood and Guts or a Shoot 'Em Up or even a comedy are not child appropriate so say good bye James Bond. Instead you are stuck to watching Disney movies. And there are some great ones out there. And when one does come out, you go and buy it, and watch it 20 million times until the next good one comes out. You also realize if it's passed 7, there is no way you can watch a movie. And the thought of watching a movie after you put the kids down is tiring.
# 10 .Impossible to finish a task - hence it taking me weeks to finish this post. It goes with the 6th sense thing these kids have going on. And it's those times when you think you better not start another task b/c nap time will soon be over that those are the days they actually sleep longer so you end up sitting on the couch or wondering aimlessly.
But children are awesome and worth it. Maybe not the licking poop thing but I'd give up showers, productivity, food, privacy and even a brain.
# 1. No brain. People warn you of the pregnancy brain. Yes... I lost it then too but I lost it even more after the babies came. Especially on #2. I have piles of post its and to-do lists. I have a to-do list for what I need to do at night before go to bed. Yes that list includes making coffee. And I realize my brain may never come back. It's on a permanent vacation.
# 2. Sexy to you becomes yoga pants. The sexies and scandies you get at your bachelorette party get moved to the back of the closet, better yet just throw them out. Instead you get to enjoy all the unflattering and ugly nursing and pregnancy stuff out. So I beg you retail people... will someone please start making nursing tanks and bras somewhat attractive. I got excited when I saw one had lace on it! That was sad.
# 3. You say you never will but you will. You will talk in high pitched voices and you will talk about poop. It's inevitable. I'm sorry.
# 4. You will some day walk out of the house and find poop under your finger nail. The sad part is... it really won't bother you. And you'll forget to even wash your hands. You'll forget until you are out to eat and just shoved a french fry in your mouth and licked off the salt.
# 5. You will never pee alone. You start out paranoid and bring your infant to the bathroom with you. Then they become mobile so you have no choice but to bring them otherwise your house becomes a disaster even if you are in there for only a minute. Then you are teaching them so you have to bring them in there to watch and learn... then they get a little older and can't live without you. Or they can until they realize you went missing to the bathroom and then they stand and knock on the door... "mom... mommy... mom... MOM... MOMMY!!!"
# 6. Lop sided biceps. You'll feel really cool and buff on one arm. It's my right arm. Shirts even get tight around that one bicep. Then you look at the other... the other with the chicken flap. So you switch to always holding your baby on that arm but you realize you are way to uncoordinated and your arm is going to die so you switch back and just keep adding to the lop-sidedness. My philosophy - turn sideways on pics with the strong arm facing the camera... then slightly flex.
# 7. You can't eat. It's like kids, especially babies, have a 6th sense. It's like they know you are finally taking time to make a good meal during the day and not just eating a PB&J or a granola bar. They watch you get all the ingredients out. They watch your mouth start to water. They watch you put it all together, they even admire the meal but as soon as you start to clean up and get ready to take a bite... they decide to cry and fuss. All the while on the inside you know they are laughing..." Ha-ha mom! No food for you"
# 8. No daily showers. You are lucky if you get a shower every other day. I will say this was a two kid thing for me. One child... just take them in with you. Two... no can do. They have secret plans that on days you want to shower they work out opposite schedules. Or you think you can take a shower so you hop in only to hear the baby crying right as you put the shampoo in.
# 9. You get excited for new Disney movies. Your regular movie night of Blood and Guts or a Shoot 'Em Up or even a comedy are not child appropriate so say good bye James Bond. Instead you are stuck to watching Disney movies. And there are some great ones out there. And when one does come out, you go and buy it, and watch it 20 million times until the next good one comes out. You also realize if it's passed 7, there is no way you can watch a movie. And the thought of watching a movie after you put the kids down is tiring.
# 10 .Impossible to finish a task - hence it taking me weeks to finish this post. It goes with the 6th sense thing these kids have going on. And it's those times when you think you better not start another task b/c nap time will soon be over that those are the days they actually sleep longer so you end up sitting on the couch or wondering aimlessly.
But children are awesome and worth it. Maybe not the licking poop thing but I'd give up showers, productivity, food, privacy and even a brain.
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